Life altering decision to be made.

I've been struggling these last few months trying to make up my mind, trying to figure out what to do with my life, and the decisions that I have to face head on, and the ramifications of the choices that I have to make.

Why I say this, is because I've been struggling with a certain person in my life whom's put a road block in my way.  I've come to the rashionale that my life's not this cookie cutter perfect life.  I've got struggles, obsticles, and have dealt with things head on and have gotten completely no where.  I've seeked to get help and advice from outside sources, which in turn, is great, but yet that's not really helping with this process.  Yes, I still struggle with the same old things day in and day out. 

This person claims that they want to change, that they're in it for the long haul, they wanna make things right, they wanna become a better person, but yet, based on past experiences and behaviors I'm not sure that I can trust this person.  Whom can believe in someone when they've only been know for their lies and manipulations?  How can I trust you, when you've created this lifestyle for yourself, and the only thing I have to go off of is the past?   I'm just not sure that there's enough glue in the glue stick to put these torn up pieces back together again.

They seem to think that this is just a one-time fix, and that things will be all good for a while, and then u go back to your old ways?  Really, I don't think that's the case.  You need to realize that these changes that have to be made are for life, they have to be for good, or I'm not going to stick around.

My life is really unhappy, unsettling, and things are just not good.  What's a girl to do?

I've made my fair share of mistakes along the way, I've done things I've probably shouldn't have done, and I have problems in my life, but dang it, it's time for me to start focusing on me.  I need to take care of myself, my life, and my children.  I need to be HAPPY!  Maybe it's selfish, maybe it's onesided, maybe I'm only thinking of me and taking care of me, but if I don't take care of myself, then there's really no need for this mess.

I'm not able to keep living this lie, and living a life that's unhealthy. I need to make my mind up, and my decisions on what I want to do.  There's more to life than this isn't there?  The grass is greener on the other side, and opportunities are there for me to pursue.  Knowing in time that I've gotta face this choice head on, make the right one, and make one that I can live with is going to be the challenge for me. 

I hate failure, I hate not knowing the future, but yet maybe my future would be much brighter if I let go of all this hurt, resentment, and hate for this one thing in my life, and actually let in a little sunshine, and happiness into my life, and into my days.

I don't know where I'm going, or what my future is yet, but I've gotta give it my all, make a decision carry on and make my dreams a reality.  If it's on my own, and I'm going down that road, then I'll hang on tight for the rest of my days, and walk along that road, and carry on with my life the best way I know how.