Thinking of Having Kids?

Do this 11-step program first!

Lesson 1
1. Go to the grocery store.
2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
3. Go home.
4. Pick up the newspaper.
5. Read it for the last time.

Lesson 2
Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their
1. Methods of discipline.
2. Lack of patience.
3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.
4. Allowing their children to run wild.
5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's breast feeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior. Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.

Lesson 3
A really good way to discover how the nights might feel
1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) Playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)
2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.
4. Set the alarm for 3AM.
5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.
6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.
7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.
9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)
Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful
and together.

Lesson 4
Can you stand the mess children make? To find out
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.
4. Then rub them on the clean walls.
5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.
6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. Howdoes that look?

Lesson 5
Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.
1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.
Time allowed for this - all morning.

Lesson 6
Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don't think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that.
1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there.
2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.
3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.
4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Lesson 7
Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Lesson 8
1. Hollow out a melon.
2. Make a small hole in the side.
3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side..
4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.
5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.
6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.

You are now ready to feed a nine- month-old baby.

Lesson 9
Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street, Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you're thinking What's 'Noggin'?) Exactly the point.

Lesson 10
Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying 'mommy' repeatedly.(Important: no more than a four second delay between each 'mommy'; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Lesson 11
Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the 'mommy' tape made from Lesson 10 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.

This is all very tongue in cheek; anyone who is parent will say 'it's all worth it!' Share it with your friends, both those who do and don't have kids. I guarantee they'll get a chuckle out of it. Remember, a sense of humor is one of the most important things you need as a parent!

Dreams

Dream on by Muhomman Ullah

Dreams by muhommad ullah
Dream on, dream on

Dream yourself a dream come true

Dream on, dream on

Dream until your dream come true

Dream on, dream on, dream on...
Dreams? Can we convert them into realities?
Whenever I go to bed, I have dreams in my eyes, plans in my mind and wishes in my heart. Don’t know will I be able to achieve what I am thinking; a continuous struggle is ahead of me. Sometimes I think, my dreams are washed away by my tears, my plans are blocked and my wishes are killed due to broken heart but…. I still dream on

A nice day outside constitutes to hours of chores!

Finally it’s nice outside during the week. I am home from work early, and I have a million of chores to start on, but since it’s such a gorgeous day outside, I figured I would start out there.

I get on my grungy clothes, and put up my hair, and off I go. I gather the rake, my trash bucket, some trash bags and I hit the ground running. Within the first ten minutes, I lone and behold get a blister on my thumb. It never seems to fail. I always get one of those dam things. As much as I wanted to stop and get a band aid, I just decided that I would keep going.

I raked all along the inside of the fence line in the back yard, pulled out some weeds in the garden, trimmed some bushes, and pulled out all the junk that was in the rocks along the house.

Finally, when that was done, I had to go back and pick up all the leaves I left all over the place. So, instead of me bending over, I came up with a bright Idea. Instead of bending at the knees for all this crap, I decided that I would take a shovel, and use it as a scooper, and took my rake to help keep it in one area. Simply then, I just dumped it right into the trash bucket. Who would have guessed that this technique would work like a charm? It saved me a lot of bending over, and my back thanked me the next day!

Struggling to get all this cleaned up before the hubby came home; I still had a mound of other chores to do in the house to. But I thought to myself, let me just get through this stuff first, and then if there’s still time, I will get to the rest.

Finally at 3:00 I decided to call it quits, and finished what I was working on, and went in the house and cleaned up. After my shower, it was decided that after I plopped into my chair, I was not going to get up and do more work. One major chore is good enough for me for the day.

In everyday, there comes a time when you have to say enough is enough, because you can’t get to everything you hope to do, there just isn’t enough time.

Lying, is it really worth it?

11 years of being together and just like a snap of the fingers, the commitment, honesty and trust were thrown out the window this past weekend. When I confronted my hubby with a true genuine question, it was then followed up by a response that’s a complete and utter lie.

I simply asked the hubby if he had to work on Saturday, or if he was going to be around so we could have a family day together. His response was that he was going to have to “work”. I said, “From what time”, he said, “from 10a.m. – 2:00 p.m”. It seemed strange to me that he was starting later in the day and not at his usual 6:00 a.m. time. He then followed up to say that the guys at the office didn’t want to get up early, so they are starting later. That right there should have sent up my red flag, but it didn’t. I though, ok, whatever, it’s work, it’s a strange schedule on the weekends, and so I bought it.

I now have to figure out what Austin and I are going to do with this time that we have together without Brent, and try to find something to do. We decide that were going to go to the park, and play outside, since it was such a nice day out. I abruptly get this phone call around 10ish, asking for Brent. I said, he’s at work. The gentleman on the other line said, at work? I said yes. I thought to myself, something’s fishy here. I wonder if Brent’s really working today, or if he’s off doing something else instead.

Sure enough, 2p.m. rolls around, and no hubby, he doesn’t get home till 3. He’s then redder then a cherry tomato and I said to him, you weren’t at work today, were you? He said, no, I went golfing instead. I was like, so you flat out lied to me about today. He’s like yes, I did, because he’s said if I told you the truth, you wouldn’t let me go golfing. I said, wouldn’t let you? If you would have been upfront and honest with me in the beginning, I would have maybe said I wasn’t happy about it, but I wouldn’t have said you couldn’t go.

So, instead of him spending time with his wife and child on Saturday, he totally neglected us, and decided to be utterly selfish and only think of himself and nothing more. He said to me he was sorry about what he did, but sorry to me just didn’t cut it. He went too far with this, and I don’t take being lied to well especially when it’s from my own husband.

My question now is, how can I regain his trust, how and when will I know when he’s telling me the truth, or will he never tell the truth again? Will our lives be based upon lies, or can we get past this and can I re-trust my husband again? I think it’s going to take time for this wound to heal, and time for me to heal as a person and for Brent to learn to start being honest and loyal to me again before our lives can change.

So, I have learned that telling a lie is not a good thing, you should always be honest, as the lie is always going to come and bite you in the ass in the end.

Easter Celebration

Our typical Easter gathering involves usually about 20+ people from my family gathering at someone house for a nice warm meal. However, this year was different. There were only a few that showed up for the festivities but yet smaller seemed to be better. The meal time was rather enjoyable, because my little guy decided that he was going to take a nice nap for his mom. He was sleeping the whole time we ate dinner, so it was nice to not have to worry about him, and I could just enjoy myself.

The meal time consisted of way to much food; there was enough to feed an army and then some. It’s like we can’t say let’s just have a few things, no, they have to splurge and basically purchase a whole grocery store for one gathering. There were so many options, you couldn’t just pick a few things and be satisfied, and you had to come back for seconds, because you missed half the good stuff the first time around.

Of course after the meal, there are always desserts. We had a delicious yellow cake with chocolate frosting, and Cream da mint whip topping, and yes it was to die for. My mom also went hog wild with all the chocolate candy because now she could finally have it again. Who in their right mind would deprive themselves of chocolate for lent? I wouldn’t. It’s a necessity to life.

Now meal time was over, and I was stuffed. I felt like I had just inhaled over 2,000 calories. I could barely move, let alone thinking of getting up out of my chair. So, instead, I decided to plop down on a comfy chair, put my feet up and enjoy some conversation with the family. Lone and behold just as I get myself comfy, my little guy wakes up. I think to myself, perfect timing. It’s alright though, I got to enjoy my own time with my family, and now I was able to enjoy it with my son. The discussions we had with one another were rather entertaining for the day, along with just being able to enjoy everyone’s company since we don’t get to see each other that often.

On the way home, my husband and I were reflecting back on the day. We were talking about those who weren’t there this year, but yet were there in spirit. We missed them dearly, but we knew that they would always be with us. We talked about this and that, and how we were so happy that we were able to celebrate with those whom are still with us, and gave thanks and cherished the moments with our loved ones.

Easter Egg Coloring

This year, I decided that I would put my guard down, and not worry about messes, spills, or stains, but yet for my 2 ½ year old to experience the fun and pleasure in Easter Egg coloring.

Here we are, prepping our die, and waiting it for fizz to die down, so we can start coloring our 3 dozen egg. Yes, my ma went a little crazy on the eggs, so that way we had more than enough to practice with. We then just had to get Austin to understand and learn the process so he could enjoy a new activity.

First I thought this could get messy, but yet we kept it under control, and did pretty good not making to big of a mess. The only mess we had is that I spilled the cup of pink liquid right at the beginning, so we had to re-make the pink coloring. Oh well, as they say, shit happens. And here I thought Austin was the one going to make the mess, instead, it was me!

As were starting out this whole process, Austin thought he was going to be cute, and put the egg into the cup all by himself. Ah, I don’t think so, kido, mommy has to assist you so you don’t miss the cup, and have the egg go all over the floor. So, we combined our working efforts, and did it as a team, and egg #1 was a successful dunk.

Patiently we waited for the eggs to be colored, and then I let Austin decide when the eggs were good and ready to come out. He’s now attempting to dig it out all by himself, and look at him go, can he do it? He couldn’t quite get the blue one out, so I had to provide a little assistance with the process.

We worked together as a team, and we got the egg out of the water, and take a look at our finished product. The two of us made a great team, I couldn’t have asked for a better partner in crime to do it with.

Way to go AP! Our first successful Easter Egg coloring adventure!

A workout plan that’s actually working

With Intense pain comes sweat, with sweat comes tears, with tears comes burning calories, and with physical endurance comes a lot of huffing and puffing. Pushing through all of these combination's of things in the end results a great workout.

For the past week now, I have been forcing myself to get in at least one workout a day. With that, I am trying to work out for at least 30 minutes to 1 hour per session and going about 1-2 miles per workout. I have come to find myself actually sticking to this workout routine, and liking it. I am able to take this time to seize the day, reflect on what I have accomplished and what’s left to take on when I am finished with my workout.

When I am on that treadmill, I must say that I have to focus on something to help keep my breathing going strong, and keep me motivated so I can get through another round on the treadmill. I have to start out slow, but when I get myself up to speed, then watch out world because here I come.

I found exercising to be an important part of my day, let alone a important part of life. It’s help me to get fit, and try to stay in shape. I found that I have lost weight, and probably inches from my body. I haven’t measured to be sure, but the clothes are getting looser, so that’s always a good sign.

When I am down, and I feel like I don’t want to get on that stupid running machine, I am forced to look in the mirror and say, oh honey; you have got a long way to go. I also look in the closet, and I am started directly in the face with the dress I have to fit in for the wedding in April, and think ahh crap, I have to get on that treadmill on start working out. I have only 2 weeks left.

So, I keep on a trucking and get as far as I can with the time I am allotted, and only hope that the best results are yet to come.