11 years of being together and just like a snap of the fingers, the commitment, honesty and trust were thrown out the window this past weekend. When I confronted my hubby with a true genuine question, it was then followed up by a response that’s a complete and utter lie.
I simply asked the hubby if he had to work on Saturday, or if he was going to be around so we could have a family day together. His response was that he was going to have to “work”. I said, “From what time”, he said, “from 10a.m. – 2:00 p.m”. It seemed strange to me that he was starting later in the day and not at his usual 6:00 a.m. time. He then followed up to say that the guys at the office didn’t want to get up early, so they are starting later. That right there should have sent up my red flag, but it didn’t. I though, ok, whatever, it’s work, it’s a strange schedule on the weekends, and so I bought it.
I now have to figure out what Austin and I are going to do with this time that we have together without Brent, and try to find something to do. We decide that were going to go to the park, and play outside, since it was such a nice day out. I abruptly get this phone call around 10ish, asking for Brent. I said, he’s at work. The gentleman on the other line said, at work? I said yes. I thought to myself, something’s fishy here. I wonder if Brent’s really working today, or if he’s off doing something else instead.
Sure enough, 2p.m. rolls around, and no hubby, he doesn’t get home till 3. He’s then redder then a cherry tomato and I said to him, you weren’t at work today, were you? He said, no, I went golfing instead. I was like, so you flat out lied to me about today. He’s like yes, I did, because he’s said if I told you the truth, you wouldn’t let me go golfing. I said, wouldn’t let you? If you would have been upfront and honest with me in the beginning, I would have maybe said I wasn’t happy about it, but I wouldn’t have said you couldn’t go.
So, instead of him spending time with his wife and child on Saturday, he totally neglected us, and decided to be utterly selfish and only think of himself and nothing more. He said to me he was sorry about what he did, but sorry to me just didn’t cut it. He went too far with this, and I don’t take being lied to well especially when it’s from my own husband.
My question now is, how can I regain his trust, how and when will I know when he’s telling me the truth, or will he never tell the truth again? Will our lives be based upon lies, or can we get past this and can I re-trust my husband again? I think it’s going to take time for this wound to heal, and time for me to heal as a person and for Brent to learn to start being honest and loyal to me again before our lives can change.
So, I have learned that telling a lie is not a good thing, you should always be honest, as the lie is always going to come and bite you in the ass in the end.
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Lies of any kind, large or small are a betrayal. They wound us far deeper than a slap on the face or being berated with harsh words. It is because, lies are personal. When a person chooses to lie to us that person is saying I don't trust you enough to be honest with you. Healthy relationships are a mix of many things, and never include the ingrediant of deception. But love and time can heal all wounds. You need to explain to him why you are hurt and angry. He needs to know that if he thinks you're going to say "no" to something -- that chances are you have a pretty good reason. Remind him, that children lie to their parents when they want to go out and play -- grown ups own up to what they want to do and deal with the consequences. It's far better to make you mad, then to get into the habit of telling lies.
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